okay, i think i've been too self-deluding,
perhaps she does understands. she felt my change from primary school to
secondary school life. right now, i dont know what to say. she's
talking to me right now. and she's asking me if i really want to
continue with this "life"
she doesn't expect a lot, she just wants me to try my best and follow
God's path. do i really want the things i'm achieving, or am i forcing
myself to do it.
speechless,
~emma
hmm, i'm feeling quite sad now.
cause i don't think mom really knows me as a person. she's still
treating me as if i have a mind of a very young child. i don't blame
her for that, but mom, i have grown up. all those words that you said
hurt me although you don't know about it. it hurts to see you treat me
like i have a mind of a dumb, rebellious child. but, i'm not. and i'm
trying not to. but somehow, no matter what i do, it just seems that
i've not done enough, and that you just don't understand the real
person beneath my skin. i'm not raphael, i'm not andrew and i'm not
isaac. i'm matthew, so can you treat me as an individual? i have my own
dreams, my own likes, my own problems and my own principles. it's not
like i don't know about the people around me that cares, in fact, i'm
very sensitive about it. just that i don't know how to show it. i know
you love me, and it hurts me to see you doing all these for me. but it
hurts even more when i realise you don't know the true person's that's
deep inside. the person that knows what he's doing and probably
suffering from some sorts of weird mental illness. i really don't know
what to say at this point. godpa, godma, i really don't know what to
do, what to say and how i should think and feel. i'm kind of stuck in a
dilemma right now.
basically, what happened was that Mdm. Wong called today, and talked to
dad about me. She asked about me and asked why i was sleeping during
lessons. then my dad tried to explain to her whatever he knew. and i
feel very comforted by his actions. all he said to me after the call
was to sleep earlier next time and not to do it again. that's it. then
mom came back and dad told her about what Mdm. Wong said. then she
started asking me those weird questions. come on mom, i have a heart,
and somehow it's incredibly soft and you are, in my opinion, totally
unaware of it. i will try my best to be the best son ever, but i always
fail and i always don't keep my promises that i say to you. but please,
i do know how much you do for me, i'm not stupid and insensitive. i
wanna cry, cry all these pain out of my heart. but, the tears just
can't seem to roll out. and i'm sure when i start, i won't be able to
stop. i will try my best to sleep earlier, never to sleep during
lessons again. but first and foremost, please give me some time to
change and adapt to the new situation around me. i will try to be the
son you project me to be. i will live according to your way, i will
sacrifice my own loves to please you. but i need time.
pain and hurt,
~emma
heyy everyone,
nothing special happened today, just that i found out i still need like
10 plus hours for NYAA silver!!!
oh gosh, have to go do some voluntary work. i think i might do very
badly for trigo this term ><
hmmm, i have severe short term memory today, share be memorising stuff
now for tomorrow's vocab test.
see ya!
love,
~emma
heyy everyone!
today was fine. wouldn't talk about happenings due to major time
constraint ><
but, i do want to touch on one topic. which is my bad temper.. hmm,
somehow, i think it's getting worse. HOWEVER, i think God's guiding me
along the way, cause i could see my wrong-doings clearer these days.
but still have to apologise to everyone that i've affected just because
of my selfish tantrums.
remember to chill always before making a decision. CHILL is the way.
love,
emma
OH my Gosh!
dear everyone,
i accidentally deleted photos from my camera, which means that for the
first corporation outing, the photos are gone forever!!! i'm feeling so
bad right now. oh man, arghh.. sigh, why did i delete em. ehmmmm...
very sad..
okay, now on to the happenings of the day. today's a special day. not
cause it's a monday, but because it's the day when school reopens, when
all the fears of failing tests are coming back. so, in hopes of making
this term better, i will have to try to work harder, which might mean
that i'll have less time for better stuff, like blogging. although
classifying it as better stuff is politically incorrect, i guess i feel
is true, self discovery is more important than words and logical
stuffs, knowledge is power, but only wisdom can push you further. that
is what i believe. so in the morning, got awakened by mom, as usual, if
not i might be late for school. thank you mom! then i went to school.
saw jingbo on the bus!
then i went to class, went to get the newspapers for morning reading
period, and went for flag raising, the skies were really pretty, i hope
it signifies a good start of the term. class today was okay, just that
i felt a little sleepy during physics cause i was a little bit lost,
sorry mr tieu... but i'll keep up.
after school was AEP, we spent our time doing some modifications, and
doing what we might be able to do really well, umm, slacking ><
however, we should be able to finish everything by the dateline we set
for ourselves.
i kept seeing the facs room today, and everytime when i see it, i'll
start to remember all the stuff that has happened. it almost seems like
nothing has happened before, and nothing was real. everything was a
dream, was just the best dream i could ever have, but one thing for
sure, the friends i met in my dream are real. they are , on this world,
and not in some strange dimension. which i feel quite relieved when i
know about it.
everything just seems to pass so fast. i have a feeling twenty years
down the road, i might be reading this post again, when i'm 35, and
i'll be thinking about all the thing's i've down for the past 35 years
of my life. then, i do not want to regret choices i have made. i
believe that God will lead the way if i put my faith in him.
just hope that the good times could drag longer, and the bad times
would pass quickly. but that's highly impossible because it's often the
opposite. but still, i;m still looking forward to the many wonders of
life. looking forward to the future, looking forward to my new sets of
dreams.
reality shoo! but i know you're here to stay.
with love,
emma
hey people,
no time to blog but, would just like to say that i love how i spent my
june holidays, i love renmark, i love slc, i love the ot, i love the
facs, i love my family and everyone else.
have a good time in reality people, the pain is setting in... the
sedative is dying down. but, the love shall last, i hope, forever.
love everyone
love everyone
love everyone
love renmark outing
hope shihua and yanlin would get better
love God for all these gifts
give me strength and hope.
pray for everyone.
tears shall be shed once more.
love, pain and faith,
~emma
hey people!
i found out 1 of the many reasons why i shouldn't be a boyfriend right
now or why i shouldn't be involved in a BGR at this point in time.
and it is IMPATIENT
i'm very very intolerant to nagging, and i get frustrated really
easily. must change that, and many other things or i'll hurt people...
okay, this is a very random post.
love,
~emma
hey blog,
i'm feeling quite gloomy right now, so i don't really feel like
remembering the things i've done today, feeling quite tired and
frustrated. frustration due to my lack of inspiration for a new song.
sigh~ things like these used to come really easily, but the tap was
shut off, and somehow nothing comes to me anymore.. but i believe that
tomorrow might be a better day, and i'm looking forward to it. hmmm,
yanlin's still ill, so i'm kinda worried. davin and alfred's going to
simlim square tomorrow, not sure whether i should go or stay at home..
sigh~ i'm becoming more fickle-minded, everything's getting so cloudy
up there inside the head. but i guess it will all be over soon. i guess
no one actually really understands the stuff i'm feeling right now, the
confusion and tire of everything. which is really bad, speaking in the
political correct sense.
but oh well, i guess there will be times when you feel like this, down
and all alone. i remember there was this time my friend used a phrase
for her MSN nick. it was, " alone in the crowds" or something like
that. i feel that very often. feel like i'm the only one standing down
there although there are so many people right beside me, around me.
i think this post is really pessimistic, hope you won't be infected by
this contagious virus of gloominess.
it's 12 sharp right now, if you dont take into account the seconds.
okay, it's 12.05 now.
time is slowly ticking away
right before your eyes
nothing seems to go in your way
everything as cold as ice
staring at the keyboard
wondering how you are
cooped inside an empty ward
with no chocolate bar
come on now
it is time to go
time to take an ending bow
but you just say no
why won't you leave
cause i want to stay
but adam, go and find your eve
i'm going my way
how do i end this
i really don't know how
cutting my wrist?
nah, just let out a growl
just an awfully random random dumb poem.. dadada.
umm, anyway, i really hope tomorrow will be a much better day. and God
bless dearies.
love,
~emma
hey blog!
everything started today by dad's wake up call. today, mom isn't at
home in the morning because she went for the morning mass. it rained
quite heavily in the morning though. so i set off for training a little
later. i think i'm running out of inspiration.. less ideas for photos.
so i might be taking a break for now. and when i continue again, i'll
probably just do one photo a day. unless of course God gives me
something to work on.
so i reached mac ritchie at around 8.40 plus. it was still raining, so
i ate breakfast at the small shelter near the launching area. bought
the breakfast before boarding the bus for mac ritchie. for breakfast, i
had some mee with luncheon meat, once again. training was fine today,
just that the number of repetitions have been decreased to 25, but the
number of sets to 4. paddling was fun, cause i took a raptor K1! for
those who don't know, a raptor is a much sleeker, newer boat as
compared to the last version, which is named a tiger. what a misnomer,
it's kinda slow... hmm, so after training, we had to pack up, we took
more than the given time, so we had to stay in push-up position until
everyone reaches. i guess our team just has to be more efficient and
bonded, or else how could we win the nationals next year? but i believe
with effort, we would pull through. jiayou everyone!
after training, i went to eat at the chicken rice stall near coronation
plaza. and i found out the best, time-wasting method of eating chicken
rice is to buy roasted chicken rice, remove the fat from the skin, eat
the skin. that was why i wasted 20 plus minutes just to eat that small
little plate of chicken rice! okay, i'm totally lipid-phobic, if there
was such a word ><
so after that, i went to orchard to meet wenbo for HRP. i was there
quite early, so i went to walk around taka and wisma. oh, and i fell
asleep on my way there on the bus and i almost missed the stop. praise
the Lord! so, i first walked to Taka via wisma from orchard MRT. went
pass mirrors, nice smells from Famous Amos >< then i got to taka, went
out to the street, trying to find some sort of inspiration for my
shutterfly albums. can't find any though... oh yeah! before i got out
to the street, i saw Sophia! the co-fac of jasper. but i was thinking
bout something so i stoned and didn't really respond to her call. so
sorry!! yeah, so right after i got out of the door, i saw Kim Ng, and
one of those newcomer TV show hosts. i quickly got away though. then i
walked to the traffic junction between paragon and taka, finding no
inspiration, i decided to turn back and headed for the library. before
going to the library, i went to "fourum" where artfriend and stuffs
were. then i went to the library to look for magazines as wenbo wasn't
there yet. however, after i realised i was late, i messaged him, and
found out later when he called me that he would be very late and hence,
he told me to start first. so i started searching for the books. can
find only a few though. when he really turned up, he was 40 minutes
late >< but i can't blame him, cause he had farewell lunch with Mr.
Foo, who will be going back to ACS to teach. All the best there!
so after that, we tried looking for books. wenbo borrowed some of them.
we left the library at 5 plus, or was it 6 plus? hmm, not very sure
already. then after that, we went to kinokuniya, looked around and went
to get donuts from below. after that we went separate ways home. i
reached yishun at almost 7. then i took 812 back home.
i reached home, did nothing much till now, had dinner, and yeah, now i
have to leave already, gotta go shower.
anyway, i shall be turning in earlier tonight cause i think i'm going
to fall ill. and yanlin still isn't well!!! starting to get really
worried. please pray for her, school is starting soon...
see you soon!
love,
~emma
heyy diary!
this is my second post for the day cause i didn't have time to post
yesterday and i postponed yesterday's post to today... not that was
random.. haha.
umm,moving on to what i did today. so as usual, the wake up calls, not
from mom, but from dad! okay, so after that, i woke up, not that i
wanted to, but i had to. then i brushed my teeth, and stuffs. then i
packed my bag for training and studying later. after that was breakfast
with my parents. when i went down to the coffee shop, dad has finished
eating already, mom was almost done. then i went to order bee hoon,
kway teow with sunny-side up eggs, a slice of luncheon meat and those
small fish thingies, ikan bilis, forgot its english name! someone help!
haha. okay, so after that, i walked to the bus stop and i saw my bus
going off!! then i decided to take 853 to "chase" the bus. i managed
to, near bullion park which is at the lentor area. boarded bus 855, and
sat on a seat, and waited for the bus to bring me to my destination.
when i reached mac ritchie, it was raining rather heavily, so i stoned
at the overhead bridge for a few seconds, then i decided that i should
get going, and the rain isn't as heavy as i thought, so i started
walking to the kayak shed. i saw wee tseng and elisha over there. after
that elisha went to get the keys for the shed from Coach Joseph. BUT, i
found out later he was stoning outside the toilet, and not getting the
keys. so i went to get the keys from joseph. after that, due to the
rain, the session got pushed back a lil bit, but during the in between,
Joseph did some pep-talking. after that was the usual weights training.
no running today. and for early leavers like jiawei, me, wee tseng and
kee en, no paddling for us. jiawei, wee tseng and i went for lunch at
adam's road. had nasi lemak!! so sinful >< but yeap. oh and i saw a few
scgs girls, two of them were from last year's exchange program, could
recognise them.
after that i went to school to meet wenbo in the robotics room. we
discussed about HRP. after that was studying session with qihan, davin.
davin, jin yao and dominic went to bukit timah plaza KFC first because
they haven't ate lunch yet. so after that qihan and i went to join them
while alfred went for his competition at Singapore badminton
association around geylang area.
oh, this is really random but, i have a new catch phrase! it is...
DADADA! so cool right? it can be a censor, a random commentary, or just
dadada! ><
so we studied there. yanlin came a little bit later cause she had
school. HOWEVER, some of her friends went around looking at us with
weird stares, yanlin told us not to care about them. so we just
continued studying. then comes davin's waterpolo seniors. and for those
who don't know the year 4 waterpolo people, they are really funny and
umm, yeah, funny.
so we had trouble studying at first due to external disturbances from
waterpolo seniors and weird RV staring peoples
so we had peaceful studying, after that qihan left for training, while
three of us still stayed. i went to get chocolate! 1 big bar to share
amongst the three of us. later davin got bored and decided to fold
origami, i still continued doing logarithms, and in the process keep
getting stuck at MANY questions. yanlin switched to english from math.
she looked very tired and sleepy. must be those late nights and her
just-recovered-from-illness-body that's causing them all. but i feel
quite guilty myself for calling her out, should have told her to go
home and rest or something..
then after that, alfred came, and we couldn't study anymore! as usual
>< after alfred finished his carrot cake IN KFC!!!, we went back home.
i took bus back with davin to school and i changed to 852, which didn't
take very long to come. on the bus i met a SO guy, and i started
talking to him, the rest of the journey after he alighted was sleep
time!
then i ran for 812, the bus that brings me home from the interchange.
got home, dinner, comp, bathe, blog, shutterfly, sleep.
yupp, need not elaborate right? haha.
so i guess i should be stopping here already, getting really late. oh
and i hope the RGS PSB people are having fun at chalet. and pray for
yanlin, she fell ill once again, feeling quite worried ><
lots of love,
~emma
hello! my first time blogging on this new blog. as you might be able to
see, i'm trying to blog as frequent as possible.
anyway, hope you guys love this blog as much as i do, although its a
lil bit weird here and there, but yeah. i did it on my own (: okay, not
entirely but i slowly edited it from my old blog till it looked like
this! haha, spent quite a long time though.
okay, so today, life was starting as usual by mom's wake up call. BUT
it failed! i continued sleeping ><
then when i finally woke up, i found out that i was almost late for
mass already!!! ohmy gosh! so i went to prepare myself, and got to get
the bus. however, after waiting for a few minutes, i realised i should
just go for the later service. which i think was a wise decision ><
okay, so what happened was i went back home, changed back into comfy
clothing, switched on the comp, stoned, packed bag, left for church. i
got screen stuck, so in the end i was late for church by a minute. must
not be late anymore! hmpf... okay, today we are celebrating the feast
of Corpus Christi, also known as the body and blood of christ. yupp, so
Fr. Lim gave the homily. he talked about people abusing the communion,
for non-Catholic out there, the communion is a piece of unleavened
bread, however, Catholics believe that is really the flesh of Christ
the Lord when he died for us on the cross. something i really noticed
and struck me was the part that he compared the majority of Protestant
beliefs to the Catholic belief on this topic, the holy communion. for
Protestants, they take the communion symbolically, however, for
Catholics, we believe that is really the body of Christ.
okay, so i also got to realise that catechism starts on 2 July, which
is both a good and bad thing. the good thing is i get to see my friends
and know more about God. the bad thing is that i get less time for my
other friends. but i guess God is more important, although this is
highly debatable.. but sorry! i'm a Catholic! haha, okay then, after
church, i went back home, not straight home though, i done my
reflective photography on my way back. for more info, go to
http://emmabunny.shutterfly.com/
so after that, i went back home, switched on the computer again, and
starting uploading photos to shutterfly, and making this new blog!
later we had dinner prepared by my eldest brother, sunday is his
cooking day! haha (:
after that, what happen was, hmm, not very sure, cause i'm doing this
post 1 day later... but i guess i did some researching for HRP, short
for humanities research paper. as you can see, many of my words i try
not to capitalise due to my injured fourth finger, and i'm lazy to type
shift with the other fingers... so yea, sorry ><
okay, shall move on to my next post bout today! see ya!
love,
emma