Friday, November 25, 2005
heyy people. its so late already. want to sleep. but must blog first. mom left for malaysia already. only going to come back next monday. so for this few days, i have to do many things myself already. you only start realising something or someone's importance in your life when they are not there anymore. so start treasuring people around you now, start today, you never know when accidents can happen. you never know if any of your loved ones can just go like that without notice. so love them. and never regret the love you have given to them. everything started okay today. except that i forgot to put on my deodarant. but fortunately i did not really stink. phew~
before i left home, i gave mom a kiss of the cheeks, wishing her a good trip. after that i left for yio chu kang... oh no... i cannot continue anymore. shall blog today's stuff tomorrow. see you people tomorrow. got to sleep...
forget me not.
11:59 PM
oh no... it is so late already. must try to squeeze everything together. let me see what happened today... today morning was a bad start for a normal day. i woke up late! very late. must wake up early next time. but it was really a bad start to wake up late. i was rushing so many things happened. i took the wrong bus to training! it was supposed to be 857 but i took 851! saw the number wrongly when i entered the bus. the worst thing is that i did not find out until it went pass the turn at green castle. i am really slow... okay, so after that i took 851 all the way to little india and changed bus to 67. when i reached kallang, i was almost 40 minutes late. saddening... then i had stomachache!!! such a bad day... so after that, i told them i could not train partly because of my stomach problem and i had to leave early for orientation meeting. so at first i went to the pontoon to see hwa chong people paddle but i saw U-glen ( not sure is the name is spelled correctly ) and we started talking. he was supposed to be the backman for a dragonboat with crescent girls students. helping out one of his teachers. but then, backman is not the correct term. i forgot the correct term... so afterwards he got to go and i also left for school to meet jiawei. cause i told him i had nothing to do, so i asked him to come earlier to keep me company. so selfish. but he owes me trainings! for those who do not know, jiawei is actually my K2 partner. and recently he had to skip training cause of orientation and illness. hmpf... so before he came i read magazines. two to be exact. national geographic and runners world magazine. NG talked about longevity. i really do not understand human's rationale of wanting to live longer. humans just like to play God. but there is only one true God. so please humans! stop playing this dumb game. our lives are in God's hands. we are given freewill but please, i urge you not to abuse it. runners world magazine is my favourite magazine currently. two words "IT ROCKS!" i love it. maybe i will be registering for it. so soon after jiawei came. not that soon but also not a very long time, taking into conisderation that time just flew past really quickly while in the library. maybe it was because of the reading. so we settled down and he started doing his stuff. later augustine came. and we saw boey too. later boey left first to look for joseph tan. jiawei, augustine and me stayed in the library until about twelve twenty something ( or earlier ) and then proceeded to the area outside the staffroom. we initially wanted to eat lunch first. but it was too late. so jiacheng came up and told us that the meeting have been shifted to 1A classroom. i shan't do into the details for meeting. i was too hungry and too tired to have paid full attention anyway. and that is very very wrong... so after meeting was mass KAP mac donalds session. yuan chang, alfred, jiawei, boey, wei leong, boey and some people including me went there. boey treated me to lunch. THANKS a million for that! so after eating we joined alfred's table. 'cause at first there was only one table but it was too squeezy. so boey and i went to another table. so when we joined back, they were talking about scandals and stuff. and yuan chang was the star of the show. not that he has a lot, but he knows a lot. but i thought it was realy wrong when he said that he would only keep secrets when others tell him to promise them. i mean, others share their secrets with you because they trust you and because you are a good friend, perhaps even a soulmate. so please, secrets are only supposed to be known to a few. or what is the point of it in the first place. so after that we went to video ezy. at first we thought that we could bring our bags in now that they have installed the security system. so when we were walking in, the gentleman at the counter told us, "No bags in this premises". So i was thinking, what are the sensors for??? after looking through the titles,we went home individually. when i was walking on the overhead bridge, i saw 852 coming and ran for it, isolating myself from jiawei, augustine and boey... the bus was real hot today. but i slept soundly because i was really very tired. when i reached the interchange i saw er ge there. he fell sick. quite bad. so he went straight to the doctor's but it wasn't open at that time. so in the end he came back up first. nothing significant happened after that until i went back to my comp and saw that a few people had messaged me when i was away. clarissa's birthday is coming soon. cannot publicise. confused as i do not know what to get for her or should i even get something for her. hmm, never mind, i hope inspiration will look for me. cause i really cannot think of anything to give to her. God! give me grace to read her mind somehow! anyway, the following lines have nothing to do with anyone. it is just a general fact. i found out that maybe i couldn't find the right one for me... it is always when i fall for someone, i find out how good she really is. and then i look at myself, saying, " she deserves someone better " and i would just start to think that i will waste her time... i do not know if it is true or not. but that is what i feel... anyway, if you have seen my nick name for today, it has an encoded message. the hint i am going to tell you is that it has something to do with backmasking. but of course, it does not contain any weird satanic messages. how i wish i could gaze up in the stars, and see the brightest one, telling her that " wee vol ia " but it is all just a dream... all just a dream... these few days i encountered rings. it gave me inspiration to share something with you guys. think of rings as a responsibility. be it family, relationships, religion, ecetera. most of the time, it is so easy to accept but it is so hard to give it up. just like the way rings are easy to wear but it gets stuck easily while you are trying to get it out... simple but yet deep. so always remember, whenever you want to wear a ring, think about the consequences before you act. i might be really pretty, but make sure it does not destroy you. responsibilities can make you stronger but could also pound you into dust. so always remember to take care of yourself and the people around you, making sure they are always perfectly alright...
with love,
~matt
forget me not.
12:33 AM
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
today is more of a good day for me. had a good night's sleep and woke up early! haha, so glad that i wasn't late. did not have breakfast today. so i went straight to yio chu kang MRT to wat for qi han. he was a little bit late because it was his first time. cannot blame him, if it was me, i might have been even later... so after i met with qi han, we went to yio chu kang community club together. when we reached, augustine wasn't there yet. but after awhile he came. there was nothing to do today. so throughtout my "wait" in the hall for the books, i had to do really dumb stuff... let me see, what did i do... at first just wanted to sleep. but then cannot fall asleep. then suddenly Nerissa called augustine and we started chatting, talking about the movie later. after she hung up, there was nothing to do again. so it was stoning session. until i started to make chars using cardboard boxes. it was really quite fun, besides, it was a way to reuse the boxes. i feel honoured to be green. what actually happened was that there was really nothing to do. so the students from another school, montford secondary, started throwing the cardboard boxes until the whole hall was in a total mess. really really messy. after that, the idea of making a chair came to me when i saw 2D people trying to lie on many cardboard boxes. but it kept falling. so by using the concept of "strength in numbers", i stuffed a lot of cardboard boxes together to make a chair. the final product was really good. i can even stand on it! anyway, when i was making them, the monfort people started to clean up after their sergeant scolded vulgarities at them. that was so so wrong... ok, then those cadets ( they are from NPCC ) started throwning all those cardboard boxes away... pure destruction, from the way they throw the boxes, using them as weapons against their friends, to the way they throw it into the bin. this will be what i think wll be happening at the end of days. total chaos, total destruction, friends killing friends. that will be such a gruesome and sad scene... talk about the idea of destruction versus creation. in my opinion, my actions were creation oriented while ther actions were more of destruction oriented. humans like to destroy things. especially things that are especially important to others. just look at the way timber industries treat forests. the houses of those pitiful animals are destroyed for the sake of our furniture, warmth, ecetera... it is just so wrong... humans are just so selfish. moving to something else, just before we left, i joined Xing Yun and company for a few games of Heart Attack, using poker cards. so after that 6 of us went to Yio Chu Kang MRT to meet Nerissa. special note to everyone out there, hwa chong guys are really shy when they meet girls, especially pretty ones, except for a small minority. so you could have guessed what happened. only augustine and i were talking to her. that is so not right. hwa chong guys should take more initiative. talk about gender roles. haha... so after that we went to orchard. we separated into two groups when we reached there. qi han's group of hwa chong guys. and nerissa's group of SLC enthusiasts. haha, sounds so weird. i think they went to mac donalds. we went to the food court at 4th level, forgot the name of it. nerissa and i had malay food. had nasi bryani to be exact. it costs $5!!! the cost price should be like a dollar plus. okay, maybe lets not talk about cost price, it costs less that $4 in bugis. and the portion is more. but nevermind, not that have a lot of money but, money s earthly matter, what is the point of putting it in such high regard. we cannot bring it to heaven for heaven's sake! pursue eternal matter, not earthly possessions. talking about that, might tell nerissa to join us for church. let her know a bit about Lord Jesus Christ. okay, moving back to the main story, actually the two groups were supposed to meet later for the 4.45pm show when jie comes. she has camp. breaking camp at 2.30pm. but what happened was that the hwa chong people went to catch the 2 pm show. haha... but actually i do not mind them going off though. no offence. so after lunch was window shopping session. mizuno shoes are really light and really expensive too... the best thing is that i can wear them to school. but still its too expensive. so... sob sob... after that i went to change into my track suit, wth singlet inside. my first time dressing like that, really hoped that it did not turn out that badly. so when jie came we met her at the MRT, she was so so shagged from the camp. you can see the weariness in her eyes. talking about eyes, jie had gone blind. she spoilt her spectacles. so she couldn't really see very far away. and her degree is 400+. so, you can imagine... when we reached lido, it was still too early, so we ordered fries to eat... so fattening, but there is nothing much you can do while waiting for a movie to start and having a mac donalds like not more than 10 metres away. augustine bought jasmine green tea for the ladies. but then jie doesn't drink green tea. she likes the hot, unsweetened ones. so augustine went to buy lemon tea for her. augustine kept treating us stuff today until he was really broke. and then Nerissa ( wan xin is much easier to call ) kept trying to return him the money, or from her point of view clearing away her coins, kept trying to stuff three one-dollar coins into his bag. all the way until even the movie was starting or had started. cannot remember. then augustine had no choice but to accept but truthfully speaking, she was really trying to empty her coins. we went to lido classic theater for the movie, we watched harry potter together. basically, it was quite good. but vague. very vague. so i am intending to get the book, or else wait for the uncut version. i hope it is more than 5 hours... after the movie i called godpa to see where he was, he wanted to pick me up and bought ramen for me to eat. wait. errata, my elder brother bought the noodles, my godfather fetched me. okay, that is at least what i remember... before that i accompaned them to the level 4 food court at wisma first. when my elder brother called me to wait for them at the taxi stand, jie and company were still waiting for seats. so have to leave them... augustine followed me down 'cause he had to draw cash. so after that i waited at the taxi stand for godpa. a while later they came and we went home. on the way home, we discussed about volunteerism. for me, i think that volunteering for cip hours is totally stupid and dumb. actually, the whole concept of volunteering for a cause except for love and compassion is totally wrong. this makes me rethink if i should get the $10 for volunteering in the NTUC thing... i think it is either i choose CIP or money. tough choice, but i have to make it sooner or later... i think i have to stop now, see you soon! bye...
withl love,
~matt
forget me not.
11:40 PM
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
today is the first of many days i did not wake up later than planned.great improvement for me. training was really cold today. it was raining non-stop. really dampened my moods. but nevertheless, still had to work hard for nationals next year. during running, chia jone beat me and i got second. somehow i deproved today. on water, took k2 wth jon hu at first. but later, he had a really bad leg cramp and couldn't paddle. so paddled with jon lee, who was at first paddling a k1. i really admire jon lee in a way. he is really grateful to Wei Chang. he remembers deeds that had been done to him. few people do it nowadays. when something good is given to you. most people would just say a thank you. soon later, they would just forget it as if it had never happened at all. but when it comes to bad stuff even when it is accidental, they would probably remember it for the rest of their life. we had to change our culture. as the saying goes. forgetting is human, forgiveness is divine. try taking little steps to go closer to God. and this is defintely a good way. a just found out that a lot of content in my recent entries had to do with religion. pardon me. after lunch, ivan and i went to take 961. it was pretty fast today. much faster than i had expected. throughout the whole trip, he was telling me about the outdoor pursuit camp he went for in new zealand. really sounded pretty impressive. but most probably i cannot go because of the cost of the trip. because of the AAR, i could not go for the NTUC volunteer session today. but t was the best and most insightful AAR i have ever been to. there were lots of suggestions and discussion, almost like a mini SLC. hehe. during the AAR, we talked quite a lot about culture of our year 1 juniors. being brought up by seniors like erik. we had a totally different experience. unlike them, our council duties were not as easy. culture is really very important. culture is a general term. most "good" schools in singapore are well known because of their history and rich culture. ths is perhaps the reason why i left catholic high. what i feel is that the new principal was changing too much things. the mission, vision and the structure of the school. he was just practically throwing away our heritage. throwing away the objective of catholic high. humans should learn to accept things. change is inevitable. as the saying goes, change is the only constant. however, many humans misunderstood the true meaning in that phrase. they think that since change is inevitable, they could initiate change. but solemnly speaking, humans should stop playing God. the only person that could control change should be God and him alone. this change by humans are against nature, against normality. we should let change take place, not stop it or start it. i agree that without unnatural changes, there are many things that we cannot do today. however, because of change, there are also more diffculties to face. did our ancestors have DOTA, LSD, drugs and cigarettes to get addicted too? no. everything has pro and cons. we should always keep in mind about causes and effects. i will stop writing for now. see you soon!
REMEMBER!
- everything has PROs and CONs
- always take note of the effects of your cause
- never throw away your own culture
- change is inevitable
- try not to go against nature
with love,
~matt
forget me not.
10:18 PM
hey people, I know its been a long long time since i have posted. really sorry. must blame myself for my laziness. yup, i decided to change my skin. cause i felt i wasn't very lonely on this world after all. BUT i feel that i am a lonely artist. those two are BIG different stuff. anyway, much had happened throughout my absence. lets see.. the last time i posted was October. but then i was using the alias lonesome smiles. its time for me to change. and things around me have to too. it is inevitable, cold but yet also a form of sacrament. a way of giving
new life. advent is coming soon. and so it Christmas. and so is the new year. everything is happening too quickly. everything is flying me when i am in total oblivion. everyone is walking by me so quickly. as if the end of days were coming in a split second's time. the kingdom is at hand. but i don't see how we are going to join Jesus in heaven by doing stuff like rushing work and daily tasks. lay faithful nowadays do not even have time to spend with God. wait... that statement is totally false. when you want to spend time with someone, you definitely could. time is in your hands, although i goes just like that, you still have the right to choose what you want to use time really for. time is a constraint BUT it also acts like a gauge to see how much you are willing to sacrifice for someone you love. love no matter whether it is
friendship, boy-girl relationships, marriages, kids or God. so how much time do you spend with the people you think you love most? someday, when your heart is at ease and you might want to reflect on your relationships with your loved ones. try comparing the amount of time spent with your parents compared to time spent doing school related activities or going out with friends. shockingly, you might find out that the ratio is 2 or 3 is to 1 ( 2:1 or 3:1 ). that is what happened to me. now i really feel bad. cause the people that love me most in this world are the people that i neglect and take for granted most. i urge everyone to spend time more with your family. although you might think that friends might be more important at this age. please think again. your family are your roots, your beginning and end of life. you can escape but you can never ever deny. someday when you need someone to be beside you. perhaps you will know the feeling. perhaps time will tell i guess. this few weeks we had bloc outing. many many times. and i
really love and treasure the togetherness all of us share when we are together. one big family. although we might not be directly blood related. our bonds are real strong. but we still lack one crucial item. TRUST. few people really trust in the secrets society. i really trust them. but sometimes when they ask me questions, i might not be able to tell them right answers because i do not even have an answer. fiddle-minded, confused, whatever you call it. it just makes me distant to them. life can be simple BUT yet also so complicating. i will stop here for now. got to go sleep.
REMEMBER...
- spend more time with family
- trust your friends more
- pray for more faith, love and hope
with love
~matt
forget me not.
12:15 AM